Shades of the Self

[Author's Note: Notice: We interrupt your Regularly Sheduled Quatre to bring you Quatre, Post-Episode 21, or, What Quatre was up to between eps 21 and 24. | Quote from ep 21 dub; full version of ZERO found in GW Operation 3 soundtrack. | I hope this makes up for the suckiness of 'Stormfront'; I'm having fun with this, at any rate. ^_^ ]

"Sorry, but I don't have any value, except as a collection of organic chemicals....they can make as many of me as they want."

-Quatre, Ep Zero manga, Act 4

A medical room on L6, filled with blinding light and a half dozen scientists.
"Pulse?"
"Normal."
"Brainwaves?"
"Perfect reading."
"Okay. It's ready."
"It? I'm a person, you idiot."
A round of startled blinks answered the statement.
"State your name, then."
"Alexis Reaves."
A round of nods this time.
"Then you know what this is."
"A mobile suit."
"And I take it you know how to pilot it."
"Memories are programmed properly. So, yes."
A round of smirks.
"My mission is to hunt down the missing gundam pilot. I'll pay you back later for messing with nature."
Dumbfounded looks were the reply this time. No one could move to stop the figure who made a beeline for the gray-hued gundam stored across the corridor.

"People who are kind are shedding tears...but nobody understands them. And the colony is satisfied right now...You people are satisfied with that?! I will never forget this day...you people...I'll make sure you don't either...You won't forget this day!"
Those chilling words sent a shiver down his own spine but he ignored it. Something within Quatre Raberba Winner had snapped and unleashed years of bottled up anger that bubbled forth in the form of laughter that would have made Iria shudder in horror had she been conscious enough to hear it. As it was, she had no idea of the type of monster her darling little brother had become.
After that initial fit of wild laughter -- and afterward Quatre admitted to himself with a smirk that it had felt so good -- his ruptured mind automatically began to formulate a plan. The colonies had to pay for what they did -- they had to be taught that their weapons were pointless. To show them this, he needed a gundam. Not fight with a mobile suit, Father? No no no, I'm sorry, that won't do. You wouldn't have approved anyway, so I'll do this my way if I want!
He guided the shuttle into the colony through the secret entrance that had set him free to begin Operation Meteor. First order of business was discretely sneaking Iria into a hospital. Next would be sneaking in gundanium to build a new mobile suit. He did not doubt he could do both with ease.
They won't forget. They'll know the moment the fatal blow strikes them why they had to die. All of them. For their carelessness and their greed. For violating the kindess of a Winner.

Slipping into the lower levels of L4 had been unnervingly easy. There had been no security, no alarm that she could find. Searching out her target had proven even less of a challenge. At the very moment she was creeping through corridors below the empty Winner mansion, she knew he was in the single mobile suit hangar only a few turns away. He's either very naive, or too confident, she snorted to herself derisively. This would be too easy.
Maybe that's the point, she suddenly realized. She paused a few yards from the entrance to the computer room above the hangar. They'll catch me at the last minute... She began to creep more slowly toward the open doorway. She heard someone sniffle, then the sound of paper rustling. A terminal beeped. Keys clicked. Another beep. She stopped a foot away, holding her breath as she waited. She didn't go unrewarded. Faint muttering came from the room.
"A double buster rifle..? With enough power it could have innumerable shots...it would be much better than Wing's three limit." Keys clicked again. "Yes...it...would be possible to...hmm...yes. Destroy a minor satellite. Or a colony." The most unholy chuckle she could have ever thought to hear followed next. She drew back a few steps and took a small rectangular comm device from her jacket's hidden pocket. She unfolded it and quickly typed in, "Describe this Winner boy to me again?"
The reply came after a minute: "Soft-spoken, polite, and disgustingly kind."
She smiled in amusement. "I think I just found his evil twin. AR2, out." She closed the device and slid it back into her pocket. Then she stepped back from the wall and fluffed her elbow-length indigo hair, hoping she looked trustworthy enough. Generic denim jeans, a dull red long-sleeved shirt, white sneakers, and a knee-length tan jacket made up her outfit. She schooled her face into an innocent expression with a tentative air. Then she went right back to creeping, silently stepping into the room and edging her way toward the blond-haired figure who stood over a control panel littered with papers, bits of metal, and at least one shattered teacup. There was a tense silence for a brief moment, followed by another perverse laugh, then the rustling of papers. She came closer, almost close enough to see what was on the paper in front of him. And then he turned, pressing a gun to the point directly between her eyes.
"You had better have a very good reason for being here, and you had better say it fast." His tone was cold enough to freeze her to the spot.
"I -- I have been sent by a group who wishes to avenge the death of Master Winner." She almost feigned the stammer. She had not expected this.
"I'm having trouble believing that..." His finger tightened on the trigger. "One..." He began to pull on the trigger. She listened to it slowly click. "Two..."
"Instructor H sent me!" she blurted, then squeezed her eyes shut in a wince.
He paused for a long moment. "Three." The gun pulled away as if in recoil. She heard the shot clearly right in her ear. Yet when no pain followed she looked up. The smoking barrel was in her face but he had lifted it at the last second, firing over her shoulder. He chuckled and lowered the gun. "Got you." He smirked, leering at her. Just as quickly a scowl came to his face. Her gray eyes met his and she had to stop herself from jerking away from the hatred lying in the depths of the unfocused blue orbs, silently cursing to herself -- no one had told her she would be dealing with a madman.
"I don't need help, H or not. Go now or I won't miss next time." Then he turned back to his papers.
She took a moment to steady herself, forcing away anger of her own to be used much later when such things as revenge could be carried out. Next she pondered her options and decided to stay where she was. Let herself see how long it took to make him snap, then she would show him just what she was capable of.
Apparently it didn't take long. Only another breath passed before he turned again, holding up the gun. "Didn't you hear me?! Get out!"
"No, Quatre, I won't," she said evenly. "I was given a mission and I must..." Her voice trailed off as he pressed the gun to her throat.
Yet he didn't touch the trigger this time. Instead he regarded her with chilled suspicion. "You look familiar...Why did they send a girl on such a dangerous mission?"
Because you would definitely recognize our other agent, she replied mentally. Outwardly she kept a wary eye on the gun as she backed up a hair. "I only know that I was to find you and offer the assistance of a group of engineers. You can't build anything by yourself, after all." She gestured toward the mass of papers, many of which were obvious as detailed blueprints.
He glared then pocketed the gun. "And what makes you think I didn't have a plan already?"
"I didn't. I'm only doing as I was told." Again she had to force down a wave of anger, trying to refrain from slapping him for making things difficult. She managed to keep her face calm.
He didn't look convinced. "So who are you and what is this group you represent?"
"Irina Viane, and we're an underground organization wanting to resist OZ's control but lacking the necessary power." She tilted her head proudly.
"Anyone can build a gundam," he sneered. "You don't need me to do that."
"Yes, but you have something we do need." She risked moving closer to him.
"And that would be what?" He narrowed his eyes, glaring from their corners.
"The intelligence and knowledge to use the weapon." Now she was close enough to almost touch him -- and stop him if he dared go for the gun. She gazed directly into his eyes despite how they jittered slightly in their unfocused state. "Even if you won't agree, know that there are those who support you." She reached out and tugged the pocket that held the gun; it didn't phase him one bit.
Quatre turned and began shuffling through papers. "Then contact your group. They'll be busy soon. The first shipment of gundanium arrives tomorrow."
Alexis granted herself a small smile. Her first mission was accomplished, and he was too distracted to attempt to truly recognize what was familiar about her face.

"What do you mean, he's insane?"
The girl going as Irina glared back at the image of an elderly man in a white coat on the small screen of her comm, which was the only source of light in the midnight-cloaked room she had been given to sleep in. "Exactly what I said. The boy is completely unstable. His father's death had more impact than we considered. Your kind, polite pilot is a vicious jerk."
"I think you're exaggerating."
"He almost stuck that gun up my nose. I don't think this is a joke."
"So? Are you saying you can't handle him?"
"Of course I can handle him!" she hissed, catching herself before she shouted the words and drew attention.
"Of course you can. And you can exploit that insanity. It might make him more pliable to the plan."
"Right."
"Make sure you don't do anything that could trigger a return to his true self. Feed the madness instead."
She nodded then abruptly closed the comm unit. She leaned back against the wall, savoring the absolute darkness. She liked it when she couldn't see the world, since it also couldn't see her. But she didn't need her sight to know that Quatre was lurking around in the hallways of the lower level of his home. She would probably run into him the moment she left the room. She knew there was nothing monitoring her room, but he had an uncanny ability concerning seeking her out and doling out suspicion with his disturbing eyes. Very grudging trust, indeed.
Not a bad idea, she mused, rising to leave. She needed to speak with him anyway. A short conversation, however; it was more important that she have a meeting with her group of engineers who had been pouring over the blueprints for Quatre's "top secret" new gundam. Silently she slipped from the room, glanced back and forth with caution, and then headed down the dimly lit metal hallway. She tugged her sleeves down over her hands and hugged her arms around her. It was too cold on this level of the colony -- she wondered if Quatre ever had the heat running, doubly wondering if he wanted it on. It seemed to perfectly compliment his mood. She thought about going back for her jacket, but scowled at her weakness and strode on, letting her arms fall to her sides.
To her surprise there was no sign of Quatre in the halls. No matter, she would just go talk to the engineers. She passed by the computer room only to stop three steps later when a musical note from something that used to be a violin struck the wall behind her. She backed up, slowly leaning her head to the side to glimpse into the room. She raised one eyebrow. All flat surfaces had been cleaned up, the papers set in two neat piles on the side of the main panel. The pieces of metal were gone altogether, and ceramic shards had become the contents of an intact teacup. The erratic violin strains were coming from a small tape recorder perched on the edge of a single computer terminal to the left of the door, where Quatre sat with his back to her. Alexis gritted her teeth at the well-played yet disturbing music and began to move toward him. He sniffled once. And abruptly turned to glare up at her. "Stop trying to sneak up on me."
As before, his tone gave her pause. The cold hatred just seemed too unnatural on him, which was laughable since she had never met him before. She looked away humbly. "I -- I wasn't trying to sneak..." She kept alert in case he had a gun nearby.
"If you say so," he shrugged, returning his attention to the silent monitor in front of him -- she scowled since she only now realized he hadn't even been working on anything, merely sitting there listening to that unsettling music.
"Do you play the violin..?" she asked with curiosity plain in her voice, even though she already knew the answer.
"Yes, and before you ask any other absurd questions, I made that recording myself. Now go away." He took two papers from the corner of the desk and pretended to be extremely interested in them.
Instead of obeying she moved to lean against the part of the desk beside him, resting her palms on the edge casually. "Why don't you want to talk to me? Don't you get lonely?"
He neatly tapped the papers together. "There is nothing to talk about. And I told you before, I don't need anyone."
Actually, you haven't, she thought with a mental smirk. Outwardly she calmly picked up a framed photo from the top of the monitor. She gazed at it while putting curiosity in her expression. It was of a tall man with brown hair draped over one side of his face and a small blond-haired child clinging to his right arm. Kind of cute, except that cute was a foreign concept to her.
Quatre reached to grab the photo from her. "Leave that alone!" She held it up out of range of his swiping hand. He scowled and stood, reaching again. She was tall enough to hold it higher. Quatre's scowl deepened. He leaned up on tip-toes but still couldn't snag the photo. "Give it back!!" He rocked backward and clenched his fists, trembling slightly.
Aww, is he going to cry now? Alexis sneered in her head. Now that was the pathetic pilot she had been sent to find!
Quatre did not cry, however he did suddenly open his eyes wide and gasp loudly, bringing his hands up to clutch his chest. Alexis lowered the photo as she stared, uncertain what to do. Was he just acting, or was this serious? She stepped forward, reaching her free hand out to him. "A-are you okay? I didn't mean--"
"Get away!" He whipped one arm out to slap the photo from her grasp. It fell to the floor, the glass shattering. Quatre gasped again, grimacing.
"But I can't just leave you like this!" She attempted to reach for him again.
"It's nothing!" He shoved her roughly away, then grimaced again. "Don't wor-ry!" At that moment he cried out, doubling over and falling into a crouch. Both hands gripped the area over his heart. Alexis persistently placed a hand on his shoulder. Quatre, breathing heavily, managed to glare at her through a wince. "Why don't...you listen?!" He lurched forward to shove her again, causing himself to fall forward in the process. She, meanwhile, fell backward and struck her head on the base of the control panel behind her. Alexis scrunched up her face at the metallic sting racing through the back of her skull, but she blinked away the pain. Obviously she had pushed the Winner boy to the snapping point again.
She woozily sat up, briefly touching the back of her head to check for blood but when her fingers came up clean she immediately turned her attention to Quatre. He was now on his kness, hands firmly planted over his heart, his breathing coming in harsh gasps. Yet even as she watched he began to breath more normally, his arms relaxing. A minute or two later he sat quietly scowling with his eyes closed, right hand holding his left upper arm. Alexis waited a moment before blurting, "What the Hell was that about?"
Quatre leveled a sullen glare at her. "Nothing of your concern. Why do you think I told you to get out?" He narrowed his eyes then shifted to crawl over to the ruined picture frame, picking up pieces of glass. Once he found the actual photo he immediately dropped the glass, ignoring the cut one sliver caused when it slipped through his fingers. He gently touched the face in the picture, tilting his head -- and completely disregarded the streak of blood he left behind on the photo.
"Quatre?" Alexis beseeched with false apprehension. "Let me clean this up. I'm sorry I broke the --" She paused when she saw him trace another line of blood on the photo, now ringing the small head of blond hair in the corner.
And then he stopped, as if suddenly realizing just what he had been doing. "I -- I'd better clean this up." He stood, holding the photo carefully. He glanced at her. "You clean up the glass. Then go ask those engineers of yours what's taking so long." He started toward the door a bit unsteadily, pausing for a second to put the cut to his mouth to attempt to stop bleeding everywhere only momentarily, then continued on his way.
Alexis waited a minute before allowing a smirk to show on her face. Then she knelt to pick up the discarded shards. As strange as that whole incident had been, she felt oddly pleased with herself.

Sometime later Alexis meandered into the mobile suit hangar, casually admiring the barest of a skeletal mobile suit that would somehow end up as Quatre's new gundam. She chuckled, flipped the end of her hair, and headed for the half dozen engineers hovering around a table that she assumed was covered in blueprints. As she shoved her way through them, she saw that only one blueprint in particular held their attention. She pulled it from the table much to their protestations. "We are trying to decipher that, Miss Ale--" Before the black-haired young man could finish the harsh reprimand one hand shot out to grasp his chin, fingers pinching his cheeks together.
"You call me Irina now," she hissed. "A slip like that could cost us everything!" She let go and turned back to the blueprint. The offended engineer rubbed his chin and backed away, letting the others try to argue with the girl. None of them were that stupid, of course.
A smile grew onto Alexis' face as she studied the program instructions on the sheet. "Zoning and Emotional Range Omitted. Sounds interesting." She laid the blueprint back on the table, leaning over to crowd out the engineers. "What's there to decipher?" she demanded testily. As they sputtered to reply, she continued to pour over the information. Next she announced, "If Quatre is so concerned about that buster rifle, then that's what he'll get. This will be our side project." Her eyes lit with the glee of one who has found an intellectual puzzle to play with. "This design is twenty years old. I can already see where flaws need to be addressed. We'll put this system in Quatre's gundam and the improved one in Thunderforce."

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(c) 2000-2004 Autumn Loweck. This work may not be copied, distributed, or reprinted without the author's permission. Characters of Alexis/Irina and mech ThunderForce are property of Autumn Loweck (aka Shiri) and may not be "borrowed" or mentioned in other works without notifying the author first. Characters of Quatre R. Winner, Iria, OZ, and ZERO belong to the creators of the GundamWing series, Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, Bandai, and whoever else in Japan involved in this most cool anime.