Shades of the Self

[Author's Note: *scratches head and grins sheepishly*]

Trowa bolted toward the door that lead to the cruiser's cargo area, aided by zero gravity. He hoped to get to Heavyarms before Dimitri sabotaged the cruiser further. He tried to figure out why the Russian youth had targetted him. He hadn't had very many dealings with Alexa.
...Except that he had been present on the day of her death.
All the more urgent now, he reached for the keypad to open the door. Something clicked behind him. "I wouldn't suggest that. There is currently no atmosphere in there, and you don't have the time to put on a normal suit."

Quatre's gaze swept across Shockwave as if analyzing the type of smoke on his own, wary of any tell-tale mists that might suggest an oncoming explosion. He then turned to his own mobile suit, docked beside it, to consider the same. He got as far as the base when he glimpsed a familiar figure moving in the gundam's shadow. He blinked and looked again, but the figure was lost in a crowd of technicians. He froze momentarily, eyes darting from face to face in the hope that maybe she had turned around and would remain in one place long enough for him to truly see her. To find out if she was really there...
Someone clapped a hand down on his shoulder, jolting him from his search. He looked sharply at the person...Sally, trying to tell him to go out after Quake and Storm. She drew back from his glare. At that moment another burst of smoke consumed the area around Shockwave. There had been no noise to indicate an explosion. Quatre whirled back toward the suit. Techs were scrambling to get to clear air. It wasn't acting like it was on self-detonate...Nor an imploding detonation, the way the first version of the MS had met its end. "V..?" His mind considered the options. Could this be a delayed retaliation from the sinister man who had played no small part in Dimitri's agony over his sister's death? If so, Quatre felt responsible for keeping the crews safe...being the only other person who had any idea what was happening.
He turned to Sally again. "Get everyone clear of the docks and gate. I'm taking Shockwave out with me." He took off without hearing her response, shouting to the techs as he made a beeline for the nearest lift. "Get clear of the dock! GET CLEAR OF THAT SUIT!" It took mere moments for everyone to obey. Once he brought Sandrock online, he kept one monitor on Sally's efforts to empty the area around the gate while he secured a hold on the smoking Shockwave. He had to force back the thought that Dimitri had lied about not being traced by Advisor V.
Unless Dimitri had set this up himself.
Quatre's blood ran cold. Had he been mistaken to trust the Russian youth? As he hauled the ruined mobile suit to the gate, the coincidence became too obvious. Trowa was already in danger, right now he was risking life and limb, and...
Duo. Duo was the remaining person who knew. And Quatre didn't have the time to find out if the braided pilot was in mortal danger or not.
Gritting his teeth, he launched out of the hangar, conscious of the potential timebomb Sandrock clung to. Nothing came up on the monitor about heat abnormalities so he had no way of knowing if the suit was going to actually detonate or not. He drove through every tactical cell in his brain. Unfortunately, everything felt like a blank slate. Then an alert from radar sounded. Something was approaching at a high speed, something headed right for him. Encumbered as he was, he couldn't manuever out of its path in time. It was much smaller than a gundam, but didn't feel that way as it slammed full-force into the two mobile suits.

Dimitri was muttering in Russian again as he continued to dig through the panel. Trowa hovered by the side of the cruiser, drifting ever nearer as he ticked off possibilities in his mind. His Russian was slightly rusty.
The self-detonate warning was still flashing, although Dimitri had silenced the alert noise during the course of his cable-mangling. Trowa had no way of knowing how much time remained. The Russian youth and his ready gun lay between him and the only control pad that could answer him. No, wait... His eyes darted to a small section of wall to his left. The Delta version has a similar layout to Beta... With a quick glance to make sure Dimitri was still mired in wires, Trowa took a literal stab at an apparently seamless six inches of panel with the pocketknife he had been saving for a last-ditch attack. He twisted the section off even as Dimitri cried out in alarm. Peripheral vision picked up the shorter boy's movement as Trowa punched in what altered passcode he could recall. There was a trick to disarming the detonation sequence...And...that should...
He turned a reproachful glare on Dimitri to let him know that recalling a backup system was better than manually shutting the sequence off...and once again he received a feeling of dread upon seeing an important connecting wire clutched in the other boy's white-knuckled hand.

Sally hadn't seen what had hit them but no one missed the burst of light that engulfed Shockwave and Sandrock. She did, at least, know it was from an outside source and not the suit itself. However, from where they were, no one could tell what the damage was nor which direction to watch for another attack from. She tried raising Quatre on the comm and only heard static in response. She hoped it was merely damage to the gundam and not to him...
Quatre was, in fact, generally unscathed other than a burgeoning headache from the back of his skull hitting the seat and a minor pain surrounding his ribs. He groaned and forced his eyes open. One screen was completely dark and the other two were broken by lines of static. Shaking off his daze, he attempted to reroute some power to improve visual reception. The right-hand screen cleared up enough for him to see that Shockwave now drifted around him in numerous pieces. A lump rose in his throat. If he hadn't had the other suit with him, that would have been Sandrock.
Once again he had to shake off unsettling thoughts. He had to find out what had caused the carnage. He only hoped there was something left to find, and put an end to these mysterious attacks. Actually...it's getting less mysterious... He looked at the screen again. Dimitri...Dimitri... There were so many connections. Quatre groaned inwardly. So much for putting his trust in him. Apparently his sister's faith was misplaced.
He tested the comm and successfully got a message through, telling a nervous Sally that he was all right and also requesting a cruiser be sent out. He was going to find Dimitri and end the charade that had begun the previous year.

Trowa stared bleakly at the wire Dimitri so casually held. He wondered just how much more time he had to knife the apparent betrayer and scramble into Heavyarms. Dying out in the middle of nowhere hadn't been how he pictured the end of his career...but then again, he had wracked up enough sins over the course of his militant life. These thoughts took up only a brief moment, for his soldier's instincts -- never too far away, really -- kicked in and he grabbed Dimitri's wrist, his other hand whipping the knife toward the Russian's throat. Dimitri flinched but tried to stay calm, putting one foot back as if to move away although he did not struggle. Trowa narrowed his eyes, applying weight to the pressure point. He let up, however, when Dimitri's startled expression became more disturbed and he looked away to the floor. "It...was already disconnected."
Trowa's eyes widened slightly. There was a sincerity in his voice, yet he did not release him. "Explain yourself."
"Sabotaged. It's the same as the attacks on you, Quatre, and Noin. Actually, I don't know why Noin..." Dimitri trailed off, distracted by some internal thought. Trowa flicked the knife into its sheath to get his attention, succeeding in getting the shorter boy to snap his gaze onto Trowa's face again. "It's Advisor V.. I know it is. He's either trying to get Shockwave back or he's after all of the gundam pilots...Or something else...But I think he's got someone on the inside to keep track of us."
Trowa narrowed his eyes again.
Dimitri frowned. "Quatre told you about V, didn't he..? ...Or do you think I'm the spy?"
"He told me. Everything. Such as the loss of your gundam..."
Dimitri's eyebrows went up, then he relaxed. "Oh, that...I told Quatre how I got the new Shockwave but I guess he didn't have a chance to pass it on."
"So tell me. You stole the gundam and now its creator is seeking revenge."
The Russian youth's expression hardened. "I was the one seeking revenge. V was truly responsible for Alexa's death. But he was gone and all I found was Shockwave. I've been trying to track him down ever since."
Trowa turned one ear toward the front of the cruiser as the alert continued unabated. They should have been out of time already...He shoved Dimitri away and dashed toward the open panel. "I'll trust you...for Quatre's sake."
Dimitri glowered at the floor, muttering bitterly, "And Quatre trusts me for Alexa's sake..." He then sighed in resignation and jogged over to watch.

Sandrock's comm crackled out a message from the base in Noin's voice. "Your new partner will be piloting the cruiser. I'm sorry there wasn't a chance for proper introductions."
"That's okay, Miss Noin." Quatre forced a smile into his voice. There will be time for that after this is settled. The cruiser emerged a moment later. He manuevered Sandrock above the flight path and then eased into the cargo area. The doors closed over the gundam, plunging him into darkness for a few minutes before the bay lights went on. He checked his normal suit then exited the cockpit, also checking the docking locks on Sandrock, then headed to the cruiser's cockpit. He had actually been hoping that Noin would be piloting, since she had been involved in the attacks and he could have used a witness against Dimitri. He pulled off his helmet and then bit his lower lip nervously. A new partner meant involving yet another innocent in the trouble. But it would be an insult to their skills if he sent the cruiser back to base after dropping him off.
For a brief second he felt a tense air, then a female voice with a hint of cheerfulness called, "Hey, Quatre, long time no see." And it was then that he knew he hadn't been imagining the glimpses of a so-called ghost.
He froze, gripping his helmet between both hands. Then he released it, as his face turned several shades of pale. He slowly drifted forward, almost afraid to look. She might sound happy to see him, but in truth she could be angry...or afraid...He lowered his arms to his sides so she wouldn't feel threatened. He heard a button click then a chair shift as someone stood. Part of him wanted to be overjoyed that she was alive...But it was overruled by fears of her vengefully pulling a gun on him, or of seeing physical scars caused by his misguided actions, or looking into her eyes and finding terror toward him looking back.
Her voice came again, a little concerned. "Quatre..." Involuntarily he flinched. He could feel her close proximity...and then felt her arms closing around him as she whispered, "I'm so glad you survived the war..."
He finally opened his eyes. His arms moved by reflex to return the hug. "I-Irina..."
"I was...so worried...you wouldn't..." She was trembling. Crying. Gently he brushed one hand over her long indigo hair. She hugged him tighter. "That machine...I thought something was wrong with it, but..."
A lump rose in his throat, horror washing over him as he began to relive the memories of WingZero. He forced them back almost immediately. "It's all right now, Irina. I conquered the system, and I've sworn to do everything I can to rebuild what was destroyed." Except the lives. I can't bring them back...
She lifted her head. Warm gray eyes gazed at him, tearful yet relieved. "I'm just glad you're okay..." She hugged him again.
Somewhere inside his mind a part of him that had been struggling to gain a foothold slipped, and fell away. He remained unaware of it.
"And you...But how? There was little time..." He remembered rigging the hangar below the Winner estate with explosives, detonated as soon as he and WingZero were clear of the gate.
The girl Quatre knew of as Irina Viane gave a weak smile then looked off to the side. "I...kind of...installed a version of ZERO in Thunderforce." When his expression turned toward horror, she continued in a stammer, "I-It was a modified version...Merely with the simpler enhancements. I had already suited up to follow you, and TF reacted with extra speed to account for the danger."
Quatre's face relaxed as he nodded, although he was still disquiet. "But your techs..."
She lowered her head solemnly. Her tone was quiet. "Unfortunately..." But they deserved it. While the malicious thought was kept to herself, outwardly she narrowed her eyes.
Quatre drew away, wary. Realizing that she had almost betrayed herself, Alexis flipped her hair back with an air of determination then turned back to the pilot's seat. "I'm sorry, Quatre. Here I am getting all sentimental when we have a case to solve." She waved him toward the copilot's chair. "If you have more of a lead than I was debriefed on, fill me in on the way."
"We have to start with the designated path of the cruiser RainDelta." Quatre sat down with a heavy sigh. "I have reason to believe that one of our own has turned on us. There were attacks on several agents, and he likely caused that incident at the base just now."
Alexis glanced over with a mock-inquiring look. "He?"
Quatre sighed again. "Dimitri Reaves. He has a grudge against me...Unfortunately it seems he isn't keeping it exclusive to me anymore."
Her mouth formed a small "o" of understanding. Inside, she was cackling like a maniac. She pretended to be engrossed in programming coordinates, as if hesitating before saying, "May I ask what the grudge is about..?"
Quatre took a deep breath to begin the little story. Instead of speaking, he released it as a sigh, frowning reluctantly. Would telling her get her dragged into the mess? he wondered again.
Alexis waited patiently as the silence stretched. "...Another war incident that you yourself...or someone else...can't be brought to forgive you for..?" she guessed.
He answered with a startled glance. She was reading him like a book. "Yes...both."
Her replying expression was sympathetic. "I guess I do know you better than I thought." Than you thought, back then. "Maybe he can still be talked out of what has him upset." She focused on the controls again. "...And maybe I can help with that, if I tell him...how I learned to focus on the future, and put the war aside." Oh, and I have a few other things to tell him, as well. She narrowed her eyes gleefully. Quatre couldn't see them from his angle.

Trowa sliced through a few more wires then sat back, regarding the open panel with a mixture of exasperation and something bordering on amusement. "We should have been out of time already," he repeated aloud. Some of the humor came through in his tone. Dimitri glanced over with one eyebrow raised. Trowa had part of a grin on his face. "Sally will be upset at all the damage we did to this cruiser."
Dimitri hastily put down the wire he had been tying into knots.
"This alarm won't shut off, but there's no power in the rest of the cruiser, so even if we could force the cockpit door open, Heavyarms would have to blast its way out of cargo."
Dimitri looked at the pile of discarded wires. "Which is really the only option since the comm is down."
"Unless someone comes looking for us."
Dimitri grimaced.
It was Trowa's turn to raise an eyebrow.
"Providing there weren't any 'accidents' at base."
His tone was a little flat...Those wary instincts flared again. "Let's hope not," Trowa replied with all amiability gone. He got up and headed for the back of the cockpit to take a stab at the door controls...not literally this time.
Dimitri collected all of the wires and spread them across the top of the comm panel, sorting them by color for lack of anything else to do. He cast a somewhat cold look toward Trowa from the corner of his eye. He reached for the knotted wire, then paused. "Maybe something else in here was rigged..."
Trowa lowered his hand from the panel, giving one of his deadpan looks. The other boy's face was sincere, yet again his voice had that odd note...Trowa pushed off from the wall, quickly bearing down on the Russian youth and cornering him against the comm panel. "If you know anything else about the plot by this Advisor V, please tell me now. I don't take well to people who constantly imply threats with no actual backbone."
Dimitri tried to put on an indignant look. By reflex his hand shifted to reenforce his balance. His finger brushed one of the comm switches, opening a broader frequency than they had left it on. Static crackled, clearing only to let in a series of beeps. Trowa drew back, whipping his gaze toward the main window. "That's a shuttle signal. Someone came looking for us after all."
By the time the other Preventer cruiser arrived in visual the two had donned space suits and secured any loose equipment at risk of being pulled outside when they foced the entrance door open. Trowa signalled with a flashlight through the window to let the other agents know they were all right, not knowing that it was an anxious Quatre who signalled back. Once the crippled shuttle was secured for a tow, the two transferred over, Trowa leading. An airlock separated this cruiser's cockpit from the entrance door, giving them a chance to remove their helmets...but not spacesuits, as the inner door opened to admit Quatre and a dark-haired girl who looked a little nervous about the gun he held at the ready. He shifted his slightly trembling aim to Dimitri's face. "Dimitri Reaves, you are under arrest for attempted homicide, withholding information on a suspected murderer, and conspiracy against the Preventers. I ask that you please cooperate."
Anger rushed to fill the initial look of surprise on the Russian's face. "Y-You--can't..."
Trowa moved away from him to stand at Quatre's side, crossing his arms. "I have ample reason to believe he might have sabotaged a cruiser, as well."
Dimitri clenched his fists at his sides. "You quickly turn on your own, huh?" he spat out.
Quatre began to lower the gun, uncertainty niggling at him for the first time since his talk with Irina. "Dimitri...I'm sorry, but there is evidence that speaks against your recent actions..."
Dimitri's gaze, wild with anger now, darted to Trowa and back. "So then why the hell would I set a cruiser to self-detonate while I was still on it?!"
Quatre saw the old Dimitri he knew emerging before his very eyes, and couldn't help a disappointed grimace. "For the same reason you rigged your gundam."
The accused's left eye twitched for a millisecond, then he lowered his head slightly and glared at each of them in turn. He dismissed 'Irina' without changing his expression. All the more reason to laugh maniacally to herself. And this time she didn't let her amusement show through. He didn't see it. He didn't see the familiarity in her face.
Dimitri's glare landed on Trowa again. Quietly, he gritted out, "I wasn't lying about what I said. Suspect me if you will, but you should still be careful."
Quatre shifted his gaze to Trowa, leaving Irina to alert him if Dimitri made a move. Trowa's answer was a tight frown and a nod. Quatre lowered the gun. "...Change out of the 'suit and just sit tight. If you are innocent...trust that the truth will be found."
Dimitri stood stock still as Quatre put the gun in its holster, and as 'Irina' went to set a course for headquarters, and as Trowa removed his own space suit. "Trust," the Russian boy echoed hollowly, quietly. "...Trust..."
Trust.
They use words so easily. But they are gundam pilots, after all. ...And so what are words to them..?
At the other side of the cockpit, Alexis was having trouble containing a grin. Neither had recognized her...but she had doubted Trowa would, anyway. They had met oh-so-briefly...and, as she recalled, he was having plenty of memory problems after that. She wouldn't be surprised if she was totally wiped from his memories. No matter. Even if he did notice, any story would get by. Dimitri would be another matter...in mixed company, that is.

The Reaves boy had calmed down by the time they docked at the Preventers base, although he didn't spare a dismayed glance toward the cleanup crew that was sorting through Shockwave's remains. And he also couldn't stop himself from murmuring, "Careless..."
Quatre, walking behind him, sped up a step to lean closer. His tone was light when he asked, "What was that?" Maybe he was hoping he had been mistaken, maybe not.
Dimitri looked at the ground sullenly. "I was careless. I should have expected V to pull something like this."
Quatre didn't reply. I don't think I should handle this case. I'll report what I know of V...but the investigation belongs in someone else's hands. I can't even tell if I have biased opinions against Dimitri. His step slowed, almost as if his next thought was dragging him down. I'm not even sure...not even sure...what it was, anymore, that made me believe in him, that last time... Dimitri had stopped, and had turned to study him. Quatre noticed and raised his eyes. The Russian youth looked very vulnerable just then. Like he had on that day.
He doesn't like to be vulnerable, though...Whether or not Dimitri is guilty, I hope V is found and put a stop to. I just don't know if I'll be present to do it.

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(c) 2002, 2004 Autumn Loweck. This work may not be copied, distributed, or reprinted without the author's permission. Characters of Irina/Alexis, Dimitri, Advisor V, Alexa and mecha Shockwave and Thunderforce are property of Autumn Loweck (aka Shiri) and may not be "borrowed" or mentioned in other works without notifying the author first. Characters of Quatre R. Winner, Trowa Barton, Sally Po, the Preventers, Sandrock, and Heavyarms belong to the creators of the GundamWing series, Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, Bandai, and whoever else in Japan involved in this most cool anime.