Shades of the Self

[Author's Note: Please forgive any inconsistencies or choppy scenes. I started writing this chapter in July '01, and it's been a bear to manage to scrape together all the related plot notes, most of which were changed in the process. -_- The next chapter should go more smoothly. | Any mention of the word "ghost" from here on in has absolutely NO relation to Mirror Evolution nor similar character dealings. I'm not THAT punny...Even if there are a few joke references scattered here and there. ^_^;;]

Dimitri Reaves, Quatre observed from across the small cafeteria while sipping coffee, had changed much from the distraught, obsessive boy who had attacked him not once but three times in a misguided retaliation for the death of his sister Alexa. Preventer Quake did seem to still be obsessive, but at least it was productive this time. At the moment he was sorting through a stack of documents, a sandwich lying forgotten on the other side of the "out" pile. Quatre, meanwhile, was shuffling through all of the questions that had plagued him since the all-too-brief reunion that hadn't given him much of a chance to have a reaction other than utter surprise. The "recovery" of Shockwave, for instance...Not to mention the previous day's incident with the mistaken attack and the mystery of Noin's plight....
After another sip of coffee he finally started toward Dimitri's table. More apologies had been spoken when they had returned to headquarters but once again Quatre had been short on replies. He knew he had to make up for that quickly, and now was as good a time as any. Retaining his hold on the coffeecup in one hand, he rested the other on the back of the chair across from Dimitri as if waiting for a reason to pull it out so he could sit. He did, of course, want to see how long it would be before the other boy noticed him.
Dimitri's gaze flicked upward not two moments later. "Is there something I can do for you, Mr. Winner?" His voice betrayed his irritation at being interrupted.
"I think it would be obvious what I might ask about," Quatre replied softly. "Do you think I would forget what happened to Shockwave?"
Dimitri made an annoyed face. "No...I didn't." He then sighed. "I deluded myself into hoping it would be overlooked."
The change in his tone led Quatre to decide it was safe to sit down. He placed the coffeecup in front of him then folded his arms on the table top. "All right, then. I won't hold anything against you as long as this gets sorted out...You've raised a lot of dubious questions, and..." His voice became quieter next, "...for her sake, I would like to think I can still trust you."
Dimitri frowned momentarily then remembered himself. "I didn't go back to Advisor V, if that's what you're thinking...Well, not in the sense you probably suspect. I went to return his 'favor' but he was gone, no clues...Except the mostly complete second model of Shockwave. I saw fit to take it and finish it myself. I reprogrammed the system, so don't worry about him tracing me. But his lab was trashed, so I'm thinking he didn't just up and leave peacefully." He then lowered his voice to soft proportions. "And...I...tried to find what info he had about...Alexa...But...all the files were corrupted..." His left hand closed into a fist on the tabletop, trembling slightly.
"I'm sorry," Quatre murmured. He debated on how much truth was being told. Dimitri should have filed suspicion charges against V as soon as the Preventers organization was formed...Yet something made Quatre choose not to point that out.
"I didn't really know what to do after the war," Dimitri babbled on, as if partly to distract himself from his previous line of thought. "I caught wind of the Preventers and figured a gundam would be most useful there. I...feel good with this work. Better then any Operation Meteor." The gray-eyed boy smiled. "I'm helping to keep the peace she fought for."
Quatre answered with a kind smile, nodding in agreement. Alexa was fighting for many things...You, Dimitri, were on the list ahead of peace. I'm not sure where I was...despite how she indicated that I was important. Overall...she had been correct.
Dimitri considered other details about Shockwave that he might reveal, but then decided to keep them to himself. If Quatre was as good an agent as they said, he might figure some things out. He narrowed his eyes very slightly. Certain knowledge could be deadly, after all...It was then that he noticed that Quatre wasn't quite looking at him anymore. Just past him, it seemed, and a little to the right... Thinking about Alexa maybe? he wondered. On impulse he turned, in case there was something specific the blond boy had taken interest in. Nothing more than a few milling recruits by the snack bar. When he turned back he gave a start to see that Quatre had gone very pale. "A-are you all right?"
Quatre swallowed, continuing to look past Dimitri. His tone was hushed. "I-- ...No..." To himself he finished, I think I just saw a ghost.

Stars. Darkness. The colony. The detonator. Explosions ripping through the hangar. Laughter. Then cold control.
"You have weapons now..."
And she paid for that fact.
And she had only been trying to help.
And...
Maybe...there was a chance she had escaped.
Maybe she had been the one to escape ZERO's insanity.
No, it was all his own insanity.

"Why don't you want to talk with me?"
"Don't you ever get lonely?"
"Do you really hate him?"

"Why do you care?"
"He was a good leader."
"He didn't understand anything."
"He will understand someday."

The floor glittered, seeming to be dotted with different shaped lights. He didn't perceive any other illumination to either side nor ahead, although perhaps from above...but the ceiling felt very, very high up. The room he walked in was massive, the limits of which were more sensed than known. He moved to where the gleaming sections were more thickly clustered, and soon became aware of a faint crunch-ing sound beneath his shoes. He looked down to witness the direction of a glow shift as his foot touched it. He slid the foot again and disturbed several lights, accompanied by a scraping noise. They weren't actually part of the floor...
He leaned over and cautiously poked at one of the larger pieces. It was completely smooth. With great care he placed his fingers around the edges and lifted the object toward his face to study it in the dim light. Wide blue eyes framed by stray locks of blond hair greeted his gaze. They blinked when he did. A piece of silvered glass...Then there had to have been a light source somewhere. He turned the shard over and immediately dropped it. It did not break. Fearful breathing filled the air. Still startled, he bent to retrieve it, his hand shaking. The other side of the glass was also apparently reflective, but the image it showed had narrower, green eyes in a feminine face with thicker locks of auburn hair to one side, longer strands on the other. These eyes also blinked along with him, the hair moving in the same motion as his as he trembled all over. He knew that face, but the name did not come to his dream-self.
He turned the shard over again, wanting to see only himself. But once more different features matched his gaze. Still female, the eyes were a cold gray, the hair an indistinguishable dark shade and style that moved out of focus. These eyes, however, held an opposite expression to the others; they had both seemed to convey curiosity and a guarded warmth. These were partially lidded and...arrogant. His hand shook. He continued to merely stare at the image. Then the eyes blinked without imitating him. He dropped it again. It seemed to fall slowly. He watched...The eyes switched from green..to gray...to green...to gray, as it flipped end over end during its fall. When it landed there was no way to tell which set was up once the light flowed over it.
He didn't try to pick it up again. He only stood there, his gaze darting from glow to glow, wondering if any other reflections would be revealed, or if there were only those three. He was curious, but also afraid. Green...gray...green...Eyes so similar, yet so different. Who are you..?"
...It doesn't matter. I let both of them die...

Quatre woke with a start, the words echoing in his mind. He took a quick look around, at first unsure he was awake, for there was only a dim light to see by. The bunk across from his was empty. Trowa must have been called for an extra patrol. With some effort Quatre realized he should check the time. He reached for the watch he had hung on a peg in the ladder's side, then fumbled to hit the correct button to light up the numbers. It was two hours before he had to worry about being awake. He put the watch back and then uttered another sigh.
More puzzles.

Two hours earlier...
"New partner assignments?" Trowa's green eyes regarded Sally with a doubtful expression from beneath his hair.
"Yes," she reiterated from behind a printout. She skimmed the list for the fifth time before looking up at him. More papers littered every corner of her small desk. "We have to send Quatre home soon, so you'll need to train replacements. I would prefer to get you started right away. Any objections to Preventer Quake?"
As if on cue, the door opened and Dimitri walked in. His gray eyes met Trowa's gaze and revealed nothing of his thoughts. Trowa likewise locked away his emotions. He replied, "None."
"Good." Sally gave a wry smile then reached for yet another printout. "You two have the next shift for these sectors. See you in a few hours!"
Dimitri took the paper and nodded in affirmation and then turned to leave, giving a smile of greeting to Trowa on the way. Trowa said nothing, only placing his hands in his pockets and shuffling out the door after him. They continued in silence all the way to the docking bay. There, Trowa went to see to Heavyarms being loaded onto a patrol cruiser while Dimitri checked in with the cruiser itself. Once he received clearance for the RainDelta shuttle, he calmly awaited his new partner, partially wondering why he of all people had been teamed up with one of the war-hero gundam pilots. His own exploits as a gundam pilot were barely rookie, but it wasn't like he was an inexperienced Preventer agent.
Not that it was something he particularly cared about. It was merely an odd little thought.
Dimitri was finishing the routine checks when Trowa slipped into the copilot seat. The latter noticed a tense air following his stealthy entrance. No good. Dimitri knew he was being cautious around him. But then, maybe it was a good time to be blunt. After they had cleared the docking bay he assumed a more relaxed manner, then waited another ten minutes, reviewing mission logs while listening to the clack of keys as Dimitri programmed the flight course. Surreptitiously he called up reports dealing with lingering White Fang activities. At length he spoke in his practiced casual tone. "There were four sides to be on during the last battle. Civilian hostages is out of the question, and I didn't see you on Peacemillion. And the Earth forces didn't need something like Shockwave when they had the resources to build another Epyon."
Dimitri slowly swiveled his chair around, one eyebrow raised at the dubious start of a conversation. He found Trowa already turned toward him, so he smiled and said with mild humor, "And who's to say I didn't pilot a space Leo?" Trowa only continued to look at him with an empty face. Dimitri allowed a grave note into his next words. "If you have something to accuse, go right ahead. Would it be a crime if I did have dealings with the former White Fang?" The silence grew heavy. Only a look was the reply, as if Trowa was merely waiting for Dimitri to draw his own conclusion and admit everything from under the weight. The Russian youth narrowed his eyes ever so slightly then turned back to the keyboard.
It was then that Trowa continued, "So at any one time it could have been you trying to stop gundam pilots from entering Libra."
The next moment descended like lead. Dimitri cleared his throat and set to tapping out another coordinates check, murmuring clearly enough, "I am so glad this was just a routine patrol."

"New partner assignment?" Quatre had an even more doubtful look than Trowa had used when he heard Sally's announcement. She was chuckling just then.
"And how much longer did you expect to stay here? Your sisters need you back eventually, even if this is for the good of the realm." She winked in reply to his purposely exaggerated crest-fallen expression. "But don't worry. You're still on payroll for two more weeks to train a replacement."
"And I have only two weeks to do that?"
"These aren't green recruits I send out with you boys," Sally replied with a tolerant sigh. "We may not be as financially sound as the military was, but we do have training courses. This one is in the top five from the last round of tests, and already procured a codename: Cyclone." She handed him a printout of this new agent's profile. He only got as far as the name. He was interrupted as an explosion rocked the room.

Dimitri hated to admit that the silence was getting to him, but it sorely was. Now he was glad that he hadn't met the other pilots sooner. They were a paranoid lot, too paranoid for their own good. He almost wished something would happen so that there would be anything to focus on other than Trowa's unnerving calm about not receiving a direct answer. Travel through the current sector was being uneventful. The Russian youth was beginning to wish he could fall asleep. He typed something else into the computer then stared off into space again.
Just when he thought he would finally doze off, the radar announced a blip from two o'clock. Trowa began to adjust visual, but just as quickly as he typed, the cause of the blip sped up -- and apparently passed by them, disappearing from radar. Dimitri swore quietly in Russian. Trowa moved to change the shuttle's course to follow. The computer locked up even as he confirmed the command. Then another alert sounded, one that froze Trowa's blood, and words tumbled from his mouth. "The self-detonate sequence..?" His gaze fell on Dimitri. There was no mutual look of horror in the icy gray eyes. His face was completely impassive as he strode over to the panel on the main terminal and yanked it off, setting it aside rather casually and then reaching in to tear out several wires.

Quatre let the profile sheet drift to the floor behind him as he led Sally out in response to the scramble alert being broadcast throughout the base. There was no telling what had caused the disturbance. He counted woefully few agents who might pilot if there had been any type of attack. But an attack from whom? He groaned inwardly thinking of yet another upstart rebel group. Maybe it was merely a foul-up with a mecha engine. Or an accident in weapons storage. ...But if it was either of those, why the general alert? He skidded into the hangar and found the answer.
Smoke was flowing around the semi-scorched form of Shockwave, more of it wisping out of joints and armor plating. The techs that hadn't been dazed by whatever had occurred were scurrying to test the emissions and try to confirm that the suit wouldn't pose a further threat. Quatre took all of this in, then scowled in consternation. Shockwave had been docked right next to Sandrock.
"Ma'am!" One of the techs ran up to Sally, who was also frowning, if not even more frustrated. She didn't like the fact that the situation was likely to become worse. "We're still trying to figure out the cause of this," the tech stated, "But there's something else. We lost all contact with RainDelta. We started to get some data about an unidentified object, and then everything just cut off."
And it was then that Quatre realized Heavyarms was gone.

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(c) 2002-2004 Autumn Loweck. This work may not be copied, distributed, or reprinted without the author's permission. Characters of Dimitri and Alexa and mecha Shockwave are property of Autumn Loweck (aka Shiri) and may not be "borrowed" or mentioned in other works without notifying the author first. Characters of Quatre R. Winner, Trowa Barton, Sally Po, the Preventers, Sandrock, and Heavyarms belong to the creators of the GundamWing series, Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, Bandai, and whoever else in Japan involved in this most cool anime.