[Author's Note: Trowa's POV on what happened. Read as first-person, present tense, no spoken dialogue; takes place during "If I Am"]

He's just crying. I'm not sure what to say or do now. I want to hold him, but...I know he needs a few minutes to get himself back under control. I can't stand this, though -- we're both so helpless right this moment. I don't like feeling helpless.

I'm finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace

Please say something, Quatre, is what I want to demand. Please let me know you want to live. But I don't speak just yet. I patiently sit and wait. He will talk when he's ready.

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's all right, all right with me
'Cause I want nothing more than
To sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

Inevitably I become introspective. Wouldn't I best understand his position? Didn't I once not care a single whit about whether I survived a battle or not?
But this is different, isn't it?
Is it?
I try to keep my various thoughts in order. It...isn't working.
Doesn't he know he is the one who taught me how to live again? That his faith in my humanity helped me time and again?

I'm looking past the shadows in my mind
Into the truth and I'm
Trying to identify the voices in my head
God, which one's you
Let me feel one more time what it feels like to feel
And break these calluses off of me one more time

If I could remember how he did that, maybe I could be of more help now. Helpless...Helpless... I closed myself up so I wouldn't have to feel this way again -- unable to prevent what was occurring. I did prevent him from killing himself, that is my consolation.
He won't have my words of comfort. Okay, then I will simply listen.

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's all right, all right with me
'Cause I want nothing more than
To sit outside your door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

Quatre, you're right. Your weakness is this emotional garbage. I'd gladly take it from you, seeing as I'm still learning to feel. I'm almost there I think, but you have more to teach me so neither of us can go anywhere.

I don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me waiting
For the scraps to fall
Off of your table to the ground
La-de-da-da-da
'Cause I just want to be here now

I hold him now. Now I can rest easier, knowing for a fact that he is still warm and breathing. Make that sobbing. But he's alive, and in my arms, and I won't lose him just this moment.

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's all right, all right with me
'Cause I want nothing more than
To sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

I would like to cry right now but I doubt that would make him feel any better. His grief is for the multitudes he already brought tears to -- himself included.
Okay, Quatre, we'll just sit for a while. I'm in no hurry. Somehow you've got to know that I won't leave your side no matter what you're guilty of.

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's all right, all right with me
'Cause I want nothing more than
To sit outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be

But wait...There is still one thing: How is it that your guilt is so different than mine? We did the same thing during the war. Even when I had a break from fighting I still had all the battles from my past. What is the difference, Quatre? I wish I could ask...

Where I want to be
Where I want to be
To be...

(c) 2001 Autumn Loweck. This work may not be copied, distributed, or reprinted without the author's permission. Characters of Trowa and Quatre belong to the creators of the GundamWing series, Sotsu Agency, Sunrise, Bandai, and whoever else in Japan involved in this most cool anime.