Goofy Things

The Disneyland Caveat

"...except arcades."

That Which Every Idiot Must (and Will) Say

"No windows and no doors!"

What's a 99er?

There are a number of people who somehow believe that they have owning interest in the Park, despite their lack of name tag, stock options, or last name of Disney. These delusionaries make life less than pleasant for the poor cast members (CMs) who have to deal with them, and irritate and interfere with the guests who still have a grip.
Many of the irritants have cultured their lousy attitude (and apparently their park ownership) by buying a year-round pass, generally the low end pass, costing $99. Hence the name. Mind you, it is very possible (and not at all uncommon) to have a $99 pass without being a 99er. Likewise, a Premium Passholder or a regular guest may well have the 99er attitude without the actual pass. But you can lay bets that a royal pain will carry a minimal card, and you'll come out ahead eventually. The name has stuck anyway, so here we are.

I once dropped by City Hall to check the message book and got in line behind a Churchillian woman with a Wagnerian voice and an Orwellian view. And a family that was nearly as pudgy as herself. She was in the middle of a rant, the purpose of which was to convince the workers there that she should (in short) be able to get a refund for the difference of what she payed for her pass three months before and what it cost that day, when a special price was offered. I doubt she would have done the same at a department store, but I guess she bought a logic exemption with her pass.
After she'd left, promising (to the cast members' relief) to write a letter of complaint, I approached the desk and the wary, weary girl behind it.
"I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly?"
She smiled, both amused and relieved, though obviously trying not to be too open about it.

The CMs, as often as not, loathe and despise annual passholders (APs) because of upstart imbeciles like the one just described. Most APs are decent people, but one can hardly fault CMs for noticing the trend. It's a worthy goal to alter that view by being a courteous, intelligent, friendly guest and to remember that The Happiest Place on Earth doesn't pay very well, certainly not well enough to cover politeness to 99ers. It's easy:
Smile - it's still the least expensive thing at the Park, and job satisfation for the cast.
Be appreciative of the work the cast does for you.
In being friendly, don't interfere with their work.
You'd be amazed what people will do for polite guests.
You might wait until they decide you're alright before giving any hint of being an AP.

A Grave Insult

"You'd probably prefer Magic Mountain."

Have you...

Seen the original Pet Cemetary, not the one in front of the Haunted Mansion?
Found the Mickey Mouse watch in The Temple of the Forbidden Eye?
Noticed the entrance of Club 33?
Steered the Mark Twain?
Met Helmut Engel?
Seen the Cheshire Cat in the mirror?
Learned to read in Marabic? (easier than it sounds)
Seen Walt's Father's window?
Seen the Witch pull back the curtains?

Political Correctness

Much ado about PC lately at the Park. Most infamously, the addition of food to the hands of the women being chased by the pirates. See the Scoop for more information about this bit o' silliness. The following was found on a newsgroup:

Gents n' Wenches (uhh, Lasses!) ;-)

Arrgh! I've been a good li'l pirate for many a foul and fair weathered moon, sez I!!! Hearin' "the corporate capitulation to the Political Correctness of small, marginal factions" - *REALLY* ruffles me parrot's feathers!

They've closed me doors, they has. Ye be not gazin' upon me with your weather eye for a couple o' months, now. Those bilge rats be tellin' me I can't be chasin' the wenches, eh?! I must keep me ruddy hands ta meself, they sez!? Aye, next they'll be tellin' me ta not be drinkin' the rum, me thinks. I'd be offendin' the likes of AA, to be sure!

Aye, we pillage 'n plunder, we rifle 'n loot, maraud 'n embezzle 'n even hijack, sez I! I be layin' waste to any cad who dares tell me to do otherwise, he'll be shiverin' all the way down to Davey Jones, he be!!! I hears those foc'sle swabs o' white collar types tellin' me ta be chasin' women for a bit o' turkey leg and a spot o' rum! Avast there ya scurvey scum, it be too late to be alterin' course! Thirty years o' chasin' lively lasses and I be reduced to chasin' the likes of a chicken leg! Ah, shiver me soul!

Off to LaFitte's Landing! Hoist the colors, raise the anchor! We be settin' sail for Corporate Land! They needs persuasion, lads! Load the cannons with shot 'n powder, mates! Pack 'em good! We'll steer in and give 'em a broadside! Those bloomin' white collars think they know too much, they've seen the cursed treasure! Those lilly livered lubber collars surrendered to the wrong side, sez I!!! Dead men tell no tales!

Warmest regards, sez I, a weary ol' pirate who just wants to be 'imself. I mean no harm to no one, ya see, I be wantin' ta be earnin' me keep within the realms of the Carribean, like my Dad told me to do! Hi-Ho indeed!
To aid the correctization of Disneyland I offer the following alternate names to prevent offending the hypersensitive:
It's a Vertically Challenged World
Rainforest Endangered Species Cruise
Funloving Entrepeneurs of the Caribbean
Ink-Americans Town
The Festival of the Mentally Challenged (Now Existentially Altered)
Spirit-Enhanced Domicile
Snow White and the Seven Height-Impaired Persons